Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
