also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
