I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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