Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
