I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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