is your mom at the bar?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
