At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
