I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looked like the before picture.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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