is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
