I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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