some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
