Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
