Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
