Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
