I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
