hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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