What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
