I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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