She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
