worst night to have a conscience
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
