I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
