Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
