i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
