I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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