There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
