Im at strip club and am horny
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
