I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
