so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize