Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
