I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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