i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
