1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
