It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
