His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
