I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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