We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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