Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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