dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
