You smell like stripper and shame
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
