I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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