i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
