Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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