Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
