I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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