I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
