My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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