First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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