oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
