well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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