FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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