what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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