ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
