Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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