I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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