One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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