how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
