what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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