i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
