i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
