i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
