from now on my penis is your penis
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
