Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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