I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
