And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
