I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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