I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
