Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
