I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
