chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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