And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
