Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
