I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
