So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
