When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
