I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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