i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
