Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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