My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's shark week go big or go home
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
