I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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