I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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