So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
