he puts the penis in happiness.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are we still banned from the library?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
